Delayed

Howdy, Folks! Sorry for the huge delay is posting notes. Seems i had Salmonella from this awful Tomato ordeal. I've also started a new job so my time to scan and post notes has been changed. I have a huge pile i need to scan and post. They'll be up soon. Sorry for the delay...

Note #66 - 05.21.08

Sugar-coated demands. Yeah, i left the trash for her to take out when she got home. I don't do well with demands. I do well with polite suggestions or when i'm asked with a smile. Go figure.

Note #65 - 05.20.08

FUCK!!

Note #64 - 05.19.08

Ha! That's all i'm fuckin' sayin' about this one.

Note #63 - 05.18.08

So i went out of town for the day. She went to a birthday party and to see Duran Duran (gag) and, upon my return home (2 hour drive) i'm responsible for making sure the dog takes a shit. Yeah, have fun singing along to "Rio" assface... BTW i'm fucking hungry like the wolf!

Note #62 - 05.17.08

She failed to mention how hard i destroyed her in the FIRST game we played. Natch.

Note #61 - 05.16.08

Wait, didn't she already leave me this note a couple of weeks ago? Oh, shit, i forgot... she has ZERO, i repeat, ZERO memory. I think she eats aluminum foil for lunch. I wouldn't be surprised.

Note #60 - 05.15.08

What the fuck?! Bologna again? That's it, i'm moving out and i'm stealing the fucking dog, too.

Note #59 - 05.14.08

Man, it's a good thing i carry a fucking sword!

Note #58 - 05.13.08

I'm not a huge fan of Bologna (the meat, not the City in Italy) but she insists on buying it and making sammiches with it. Ugh.

Note #57 - 05.12.08

Who the hell says "Peckerhead" these days besides my Dad?!

Note #56 - 05.11.08

She threw a sponge at me earlier today. A big sponge, too.

Note #55 - 05.10.08

I don't know about you, but this is fucking hilarious! A squirrel fell out of a tree?! It's buddy came over to check on it?! Squirrels are rats with fluffy tails and dragon-like claws. Well, i think it's funny. Best part is the back portion of the note, she saw a squirrel fall out of a tree... "Oh, and the dog didn't poop!" However, i think the BEST part of this note is her choice of onomatopoeia... "THUD"

Talk about completely random notes. Welcome to my world.

Note #54 - 05.09.08

Yep, she'll write on anything she can find... even MY mail.

Note #53 - 05.08.08

OK, so last night we went downtown to check out a friend's (Jillian Says) "Mother's Day Sale" for her handmade soaps and candles. Everything smells delicious so i bought some stuff... Had some adult beverage and bought my girlfriend a nice necklace from Avenue Handmade since she was there selling some stuff, too. This is the little bag she packed for my girlfriend. See, i do nice things sometimes. Then i get verbally beat-up for BREATHING. Help me.

Note #52 - 05.07.08

Ahhh, the swift-kick-in-the-balls i've come to expect from her on a daily basis.

Notes #47 - #51

Ok, so i was right. Even when i'm NOT here, at home, she still writes me notes. WTF?! It's official: She's CRAZY. I mean for fuck-sake, she's quoting EUROPE. Gross.

Yeah, she's having "Beard Withdrawals" because i'm "The Beard" ya see, myeah, see!

Note #46 - 05.01.08

Yeah, i blurred her name out. Shoot me. And why the fuck does she sign her name anyhow? It's not like some other crazy weirdo snuck into my house and wrote me a stupid note. I know who they're coming from, damnit!

I'm leaving for a few days, she'll still write me notes, too. I BET YOU she does...

Note #45 - 04.30.08

Yes, i'm leaving for a few days, starting tomorrow. Maybe i won't come back.

Note #44 - 04.29.08

What's with this "Turkey Titty" bullshit? I think i should move out while she's asleep.

Note #43 - 04.28.08

She's seriously fucking pissing me off.

Note #42 - 04.27.08

It's weird going ice skating in Florida. Her Dad had never been ice skating so we decided to take him to the closest ice skating rink - 2 Hours away - for his Birthday. I drank some beers and thought I'd give it a whirl... I'm like Brian Fucking Boitano on that shit! Ok, not really. But i never fell down like her Dad did, several times. Poor fella, he is.

Note #41 - 04.26.08

She enjoys cruisin' in my '66 Ford. Yeah, she's cool i guess... minus the calling me a "Bitch" part. I made her clean the windows on the car. Three times, too.

Note #40 - 04.25.08

Wow... My thoughts exactly. I think we're finally on the same fucking wave-length after all this time.

Note #39 - 04.24.08

Ok, i admit it... I normally read her notes in the morning and just roll my eyes whilst thinking to myself "Jesus, she's lame." But i actually laughed-out-loud when i saw this waiting for me this morning. The "new" expiration date is funny, but the horns added to the creepy kids head are priceless! They match his evil little eyes perfectly.

Note #38 - 04.23.08

I think she missed the whole "intentional" part of this advertisement. "Lick your craving" is like saying "Kick your hunger's ass, dude!" but her variation is funny and totally meaningless. I got a laugh out of it.

Note #37 - 04.22.08

OK, some of this i can explain, and some i shan't. She'd KILL me if you knew what "B.P." stood for, despite it being completely hilarious. Sorry for the tease!!! Anyhow, it's all rubbish, except the fact she made me breakfast and i fed it to the dog.

Note #36 - 04.21.08

I seriously, and strongly, believe she has lost her mind. Where the fuck did she even get this instruction booklet?! I'm a little creeped out, honestly.

Note #35 - 04.20.08

Typically i'd scan a Love Note but this is just, well, it's just priceless. So a photo will have to do. I found this late in the day... Just waiting for me. No, i didn't use it, i kept it, with all my other strange and weird notes.

Note #34 - 04.19.08

She bought a Lottery Ticket when we drove up to GA last weekend. She didn't win. But i did with this great note. We got into the new ride and hiked it up to a friend's house last night and, well, she drank too much. She's a double-loser.

Note #33 - 04.18.08

Finally, it's Friday and i get to Register my new car! I had to wait for the title to arrive by USPS which, typically, arrived 2 days late despite it being sent OVER NIGHT. It's funny, too, because when they said i could pick it up at the Post Office down the street, it wasn't there. I think they expect folks to take off of work to wait for a package. Like none of us have anything better to do, right? I don't know anyone that moves as slowly as the folks that work at my Post Office. Seriously.

Note #32 - 04.17.08

Yep, she's a quitter. Surprised? I'm a good man and i demand LUNCH! When lunch is demanded it's served or she's reprimanded. Maybe i had a vision a couple days ago when i almost busted her in the eye whilst i slept. Clairvoyance about a future missing lunch! DAMMIT! A foraging i shall go...

Note #31 - 04.16.08

Interesting... No, not really.

Note #30 - 04.15.08

I almost gave her a black eye while i was sleeping. See, that's just how BADASS i am now! Smackin' bitches up while i slumber.

(Note: If she ever sees this she'll kick my ass!)

Note #29 - 04.14.08

Ahh, Monday. I hate Mondays. Seriously. And it makes me think of that scene in "Office Space" and to that i laugh. "A case of the Mondays!" Who the fuck says that?!! - Cute note. I tried to tell her, once, that washing the dog meant i got to shower while the dog slept on the couch. I guess she remembered. So much for using that card again...

Note #28 - 04.13.08

Well, i bought the car and we drove 6 hours back to our house. I found this note later, after she went to bed. The folded portion was sticking out of a little book i have titled "BAD ASSES" by Mark Todd. I didn't notice the inside until later on. Yeah, she's not Picasso i tell ya. It's a drawing of me and my new car, a 1966 Ford Galaxie 500. It's fucking badass and so am i (now!) by default.

Note #27 - 04.12.08

Ahh, she finally got something right. Yes, i'm working on becoming a REAL badass. We drove up to Macon, GA so i can look at a car i'm interested in buying. We'll see how it goes.

Note #26 - 04.11.08

I Love Swedish Meatballs! Are they Swedish meat made into tasty balls, are they Swedish balls made of tasty meat, or are they meaty balls made in Sweden? Oh, the paradox.

Note #25 - 04.10.08

Today i got a Tenacious D reference! That excites me.

Note #24 - 04.09.08

I fucking HATE oysters.

Note #23 - 04.08.08

I'm pretty sure she misspelled "Goulash" in her note. Maybe it's just me. Also, what she's referring to is ground-turkey meat, rice and peppers. She made "Fajitas" for dinner last night. Today it's "Goolasch" or whatever the fuck...

Note #22 - 04.07.08

Hmmm that's a first. A loss for words. I can't think of another time when this happened. Even on a 6 hour flight, or an 8 hour car trip, she never shuts up. Maybe she's ill. Maybe she's dying. Nah. It's probably some sick trap and i'm falling into it... Then, when i'm not looking, she'll spring into action and sink her fem-fangs deep into my jugular and i'll drift away into darkness. Only to hear her nagging voice for all eternity... over and over... Or, maybe she's just got nothing to say for once. Yeah, right.

Note #21 - 04.06.08

She's channeling Marty's thoughts on paper now. Creepy. So, she made a make-shift raincoat out of a Target shopping bag, so the dog wouldn't get wet when she took him on a walk. See what i have to deal with?!